Recently, I discovered something about me. On my spiritual quest, I was asking myself, that what is it that I want from God? Why am I on this spiritual quest?
I started digging in my past and analyzing my life trailing back to my childhood. Living in a joint family, I witnessed many fights arising from unnecessary and unimportant causes. The funny thing was, I couldn’t find a reason for these fights. There was no specific cause for it.
Then, as I grew older, my thirst for love increased. There was always something missing, no matter how much I had. My life was good, great parents, an amazing elder brother, friends who cared for me. Things were nice.
Gradually, I realized that it was not necessary to receive love as much as it was necessary to give love. So I started that, I started reciprocating the love that I got, and the relation of sharing began. This was by far the best experience I had. It feels amazing to give love to people, give them the comfort they need, give them a sense of security, the warmth they needed.
I developed one such special relation. It felt nice to be the giver and not the seeker. There was a sense of contentment that I felt.
Now, comes reality. Slowly, the relation changed. I automatically started to expect a few things and some things were taken for granted. It was natural and not a conscious thing, it just happens.Things do get complicated. There was no particular reason for this to happen either.
So, it all came back to square one, I was not satisfied or fulfilled by this love too. There was happiness, but it was momentary. Ultimately, with time, it just deteriorated.
“This is what happens with most of the people, they come together with good intentions, they come together with an intention to establish harmony, but later on it changes to selfish interests. This is the nature of all things in this world.Only the truly spiritual relations are devoid of such deterioration.”
As I mention often, I had a habit of listening to spiritual lectures. And in that, they often talk about love between the soul and God, the love between God and His pure devotees. Which does not ever diminish, which the purest form of love etc.
I grew a little more curious about it if it exists, a thing called as selfless love, something which is limitless, and can fulfil us, why not take a leap of faith for it? So from being a sentimental follower, I became a critical inquisitor about spirituality.
I drew a conclusion that, no matter what we have here, the best of relations, the best of life, it is the nature of this world, these relations that they will end, that they will disappoint you. It is inevitable, just a matter of time, and somewhere, if we think about it, no one is to be blamed, as it is just embedded in their nature. I realized the reasons for those stupid fights between my relatives, the reason for the fights between the closest of the people, it is all in their nature. There is no way one can avoid it; UNLESS………………
There is a spiritual connection, a spiritual cause. I analyzed people where they had better relationships and altogether more contentment in their life, it was all due to a strong spiritual foundation. They had a common goal and they helped each other in completing that goal, attaining God. Only then it worked smoothly because all the people had a common understanding. So it just happened to be perfect. Every time, there would be disturbances, the root cause would the deviation from the common purpose of attaining God.
I now do not blame anyone, nor do I regret anything, because it is not and never was anyone’s fault. People and I were not at that plane of understanding where we could analyze our situation. Spiritual knowledge is the solution for everything, a constant awareness of that knowledge is the solution. It feels good not blame anyone and not feel guilty about anything. This does not make us irresponsible in any way, it just makes us aware of our limitations.
So what do I want from God? The answer is Love. And what can I give Him? I can start by being honest with myself and to Him.
And what do I ask from the world? Rise up to the knowledge, do not miss out on this opportunity, there is true love in this world, there is perfection in this world, just not where you are looking for it. It is with God, and not the mundane relations, people and the things that you think you have.