We met, we talked, we grew fond of each other, we got close, but we couldn’t be together…
Yet, the love remains, the sentiments have changed, but the relation remains.
- My understanding of love:
I didn’t know much about love, but all that I knew was from the divineover of Krishna and Radha, of Ram and Sita, of Premanand Swami and Swaminarayan. I had loved the chapter ‘On Love’ in The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. So I had a very different outlook of love as was shown in movies and TV. It was noble, based on sacrifice and kindness and divinity…
For me love was selfless singular and exclusive devotion for your partner. It was based on mutual trust, loyalty and respect. A sentiments of letting go of one’s own ego and self interest. And that’s what I searched for, and was also prepared to offer that. I just couldn’t get my mind around multiple partners, love is fulfilling enough, there is no room for anyone else, and if here is, then it is a fault in the love…
Lessons from my experience:
1. Never take drastic decisions too quickly and never announce them-
I decided to leave the world and become a saint out of a heartbreak. The decision was right but not a well planned. I won’t go into the details of it, but back then, it was a hasty and not a well thought decision, although it was a right decision. I didn’t give myself much time and didn’t give her a chance to speak her side of the story. So, when you come to a drastic decision, wait on it, think about it.
2. Never have a secret relationship:
A relationship should have privacy, but never should it be a secret, because either one of you is going to be taken granted for, and most of the times it is the girl who faces the ill consequences of it. You have no one to go when things are wrong, you just have to suffer in silence, you start dying from inside. It is worst that you can’t tell your feelings to anyone. So let your very close well wishers know about it, so that you can approach them when in need of support.
3. Express and be clear about your feelings:
This was kind of a tragedy that happened with me, I didn’t know that I was in love with her and by the time I realised, it already late. When we met she still hadn’t moved on from her childhood crush, and by the I realised my feelings, she had already chosen someone else! It was a tragedy, I called her up once to express my feelings, it was after I had decided I will never get over her so I should tell what I feel (I had decided to become a monk, but I wasn’t able to move on, so I came back home for my exams and her). But before I could say anything, she confessed that she had made a decision and it was the other guy!
This was the first time I felt what a heart break was like, it was like a spear right into my heart! I couldn’t say anything but I just wished her well and put the phone down. I cried a lot, that feeling, it can’t be explained, it is like your heart sinks and stops. I just cried all day and all night.
Then I had nothing to do there,my whole world fell apart in front of me, and there was nothing that i could do. Then I just got away with my exams. I called her up again, just a day before leaving my home, and I confessed that I loved her, ever since I met her. She said, “pehle kyu nahi bola yaar…” I had nothing to say, I remained silent.
I think I was afraid of rejection, or maybe I didn’t realise before it was too late and maybe I was never clear about it. So, don’t ever hide your feelings and never be afraid of rejection. If you express your feelings then at least you’ll be clear about your life, you’ll know what to do.
Oh the heart break, it still hurts… It sometimes makes me laugh. How true and funny depression is! It is all true, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you have mood swings and what not! I lost 15 kilos of weight in just 3 months… and lost many more things…!
4: Even boys cry, they have feelings too.
I was a sensitive and an emotional guy, and I have cried a lot, but all alone. Girls cry too, she cried a lot too, it was my fault though, but they can cry in front of people.
5. Avoid getting physical:
This is a sound advice I’d give to all. Wait for marriage, it is worth it, it is official. I was lucky that she handled it very maturely, but i just couldn’t vote out of the guilt of it back then.
Now when I think of it, there was nothing physical about it in our Cae, because I don’t remember anything, the touch, the sight or anything physical. But what i do remember, are the overflowing feelings, the love, the concern that was in her eyes, the trust that she had in her heart, that’s what i remember.
But it is not the same for all, most of the people are irresponsible and then things turn ugly. There false accusations of rape and taken advantage of, there is blackmail and pregnancy, things get out of control, so WAIT FOR MARRIAGE!
We handled things calmly and we had it under full control, we didn’t cross a few lines, and the first thing, it wasn’t physical between us, it was different kind of love. But it is rare, so avoid it. In spite of things not getting ugly in my case, i wish i could have waited for marriage, trust me, it is worth the wait…
5. Don’t be cheap and petty if things don’t work out:
When things didn’t work outr, none of us troubled each other. We always wished good for each other, even now, she is present in my silent prayers. And she too, took utmost care that i was back on my feet and on to my purpose of life. She scolded me once and made me promise that i won’t waste my life…! It was funny, getting scolded like that:p
I feel sad how people take revenge, leak secret, private photos and what not. Don’t do that, don’t be so cheap. Don’t harass your partners, and let them go.
6. Don’t stop believing in love if it doesn’t work out.
You may be unloved, but you are not unlovable. You’ll find someone better, but in all honesty, this doesn’t work. The end result is the same, rather move on to a new purpose. That’ll help you move on better, and you’ll find a better love and happiness in that. Be kind and caring, or at least maintain humanity after break up, know that your karmas will have consequences.
7. If you want a healthy relationship, let it be based on dharma (moral ethics), dignity and spirituality and devotion.
Introduce this sentiment in your relationship and for sure you’ll have a healthier and a faithful relationship.
Whatever good and happy moments and experiences that i had in my relation were because of courtesy and some moral values showed by both of us.
And i am glad about one thing, that inspite of what happened between us, we were able to direct our life towards the ultimate purpose of our lives, maybe the paths were different, but the destiny is same. And we always wish good for each other. In whatever time we spent together,we had good memories and I am glad that the seeds of spirituality were sown, and they will grow and provide shelter and peace to many others.
True love doesn’t have to end in togetherness. Letting each other go for their own betterment is true love, it doesn’t bind you but it liberates you. I sometimes had a complain that I wasn’t loved by her, but i realise now, that letting me go and allowing me to fulfil my purpose of life was a selfless decision and a sign of true love…
So that is true love, at last i would like to say that be kind, be good, and ultimately, you’ll find God right inside you, with you always. Maintain dignity, it pleases God.
I’m proud of the partner that i had, and i thank God for letting me fall in love once in my life. Now all i have to do is fall in love again, but with God…
This is the ultimate love, the same feelings,but for God, it is not easy, but it worth the wait and efforts!